LIBERTY AWAKENS TO HELP

My dear sisters,

I apologize profusely for not communicating sooner. After going through the past emails that have transpired between you two, I decided I must respond...tout suite.

Pearl, I have to admit, after my atrocious tumble down a shame spiral, that I too contributed to your "Shortbus" run. Though Midge didn't say (for she tends to forget...or she was graciously protecting me) that a check for an unspecified amount was forwarded to a Mr. Kinsey Franklin Hart. Please forgive me. Although I was unaware of your frequent ramblings, hysterics, and sideline fornicating, it was only in your best interest. I must also admit that I did attend a performance of the show to witness the horrors my former pageant stylist had been unfortunately subjected to. That former stylist was Precious Pitts. I am a little remiss in spending hard earned Power Ball lottery winnings on your return to the stage, for it was blatantly obvious that a dalliance between you and the very married Harry Pitts existed. Unless massive pornographic rewrites were made to the classic Tennessee Williams play, everyone in that theatre knew you had Pitts on the brain. I thought for sure that the line was, "I've always depended on the kindness of strangers," not paid for the kindness of strangers. Was it necessary to simulate oral sex on Harry atop the unusually large chaise lounge...aka Gertrude Ann Trucksilla??

Whatever the explanation, at least you can put that behind you now and move on. I have just issued a check to the Bess Truman Trailer Court to pay for any damages set forth on Lot #12 during your brief stay there. And as for Precious, let's just say that she too can overlook the affair (for a small fee) and go on. After all, as they say in showbiz, the show must go on.

Darling Midge...now that all is clear, I hope you can direct your attention to another worthwhile cause. You see, my Junior League Society is preparing for our annual Winter Charity Auction and Masquerade Barbeque, and I was wondering if you were willing to part with any memorabilia you've acquired from your renowned actor/father Gregory Peck. I know it's a lot to ask but we will make it worth your while. Two tickets to the said Auction/BBQ and all the porkloin you can eat. Please let me know for I need to get back to the League as soon as possible.

Until next time,
I remain,
Former Miss Made O'Cotton,
Liberty Belle Vermillion