MIDGE MEDIATES

Dearest Pearl and Liberty,

My, my ladies, what has prompted the both of you to spew such venomous accusations toward one another? Certainly you can both be proud of your meager accomplishments at our former "institution", but please try and remember our motto. "Girlfriends help you move, but Miss Peck girlfriends help you move bodies".

Now you know I love and respect you both, but try not to forget our senior year when I swept the talent competition with my acclaimed, bring the house down performance in "Deaf, Dumb and Blind-The Musical Helen Keller". It by far outshone my nude "Antigone", or my featured role as bordello mistress Sally Stanford in "Stick It In Me". But we cannot, and must not dwell on past glories, but look ahead to our divine reunion.

Pearl, yes you are rich, yes you are talented, but you are also frigid, and subject to fits which leave you incontinent.

And Liberty my sweet, never forget your stint as a lesbian scat slave when your parents cut off your trust fund for selling your hairy, half wit sister, Mayflower to that inbred crawfish clan in the bayou.

I digress yet again. Many secrets went to the grave with Miss Pat, but there are many eyes and ears that still know much more. We must band together and forget these petty jealousies.

Fondly and forcefully,
Midge