LIBERTY IN DEFENSE

My Dear No-Good Yankee Trash Sweet Sister of Mine,

First off, bless your heart for deciding that defending your honor means trashing my family's good name, not to mention my acting ability. And now, in response...

I will always hold dear my cherished alma mater - Miss Pat Peck's Academie of Charm and Reform. Since you obviously have chosen to forget, L'Academie did not come cheap to everyone. My family to this day have silently punished me for the years I spent with Miss Pat Peck and the charming summer cottage in Nice, France they had to forgo to keep me a prisoner of knowledge at said school. You know as well as anyone that I am not plainly judged by the quality of existence...for I had endured many a pageant panel far more judgmental than our charming school mates...who by the way encouraged you to ditch that horrid chilly tint Fendi fanny pack for your black Prada clutch.

As for your talent in the theatre, I do have to apologize for my horrible remarks and accusations, not all of which were entirely true. Your performances and your study do speak for themselves...when you're not shouting out your praises. But I digress. However, I don't remember the notices for "Our Town" praising your performance. But let's face it, ensembles were never your forte. Bowing out of our staged reading of "The Gumball Rally" was quite a scene...worthy of an award some may say.

I guess I can live with the fact that you do not respect me as an actress. Granted, my turn as Nurse Ratched was to be my swan song on the stage for the remainder of our incarceration at MPPACR. It was then that I, with the aid of my dear mum, return my focus on a different stage - that of the pageant circuit. My quest for Miss Junior Miss did not result in the manner of which I was accustomed to, but alas, my spirits were not broken. For my respectful 19th place in that contest of beauties did parlay into a Homecoming Queen victory...only after it was revealed Cappie Fawn Haltimore's bout with gender dysphoria would soon be at an end, her long overdue pre-operative sex change operation had come through.

And Midge...her nude scene in Antigone had been planned for weeks on end. Her decision to play it "in the moment" is a crock. She'd been dying to flash her bosom ever since our band state competition our Sophomore year when she leapt up to catch her tossed drumstick during "Lovin Touchin and Squeezin" wearing that skimpy halter that barely left anything to the imagination. Of course we did win that competition, so I can't fault her for that. I'm sure she'll have something to say about that.

I'll end this correspondence with what you request. My admiration, respect, and eternal friendship. I only wish you the best of success during your run in "Miss Saigon." I will be unable to attend the performances, for I limit my stage exposure to the bright lights of Broadway. So until then...

My strongest applause to you.
Liberty Belle Vermillion

PS - I don't wish to continue any conversation of the sort regarding the alleged affair of which you spoke. I have the highest regard and esteem for my mother and do not wish to comment on such a vicious attack on her sacred name.

Adieu.