PEARL ROLLS ON

My two dearest, evil, loving sisters,

It is with pain and sadness that I write this. After a lifetime of devoting my life to my greatest pleasure, the theatre, I have given it up. I just don't have what it takes. And thanks to the two of you, that idea has been blasted into my brain.....I just don't have what it takes. While I do appreciate all that you two have done for me, I ask you both just one favor....please don't help me anymore. You two may help me right into my grave.

Since being asked to leave Independence I found my way to the Windy City. That's right, I'm now living and working in Chicago. Home of the Sears Tower, Lake Michigan and Oprah. I called my father and told him that he was right and that I would quite the theatre and never speak of it again. He immediately moved me to Chicago and has made me President of the Midwest Region of Dunbar Savings and Loan. Well, not really President...more like assistant to the President. "You have to start somewhere." Daddy always says.

Chicago is nice.

I have joined a chapter of SA, Sex Anonymous, and have admitted to myself that I am a sex addict. It hurts but I will persevere.

I'm all alone now. For the first time in my life I don't have anyone to share my life with. Again, I will persevere.

I'm living in a small but tasteful one bedroom apartment on the north side of the city. A lovely little area known as Lakeview.....I've gotten to know my neighbor across the hall, Blain. Turns out, he had to give up the theatre also. After his brother, Nathan Lane, became so famous all hope of his success came to an end. He didn't want to be known as Blain Lane, Nathan's brother. Blain Lane is a dear, sweet man.And thankfully he is homosexual so my sex addiction in still kept in check. He comes over occasionally and the two of us sit eating pastry and watching Must See TV. It's not a bad life, really..........

Life is hard....who am I kidding? I have to take the bus for Christ's sake!!!! Do you have any idea what kind of freaks ride public transportation. I must persevere.

I'm trying to put my past life behind me. No more talk of dwarfs, fat ladies or the limbless for me. For now on I am a new lady. I must keep telling myself that. I WILL PERSEVERE.

I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I miss my former life and my former shenanigans. I miss dishing with the two of you. I miss spreading my cooter at any man who walks on by. The last time I showed my cooter in public was at the "Shortbus" cast party. I was doing the limbo and forgot that I was wearing underwear. That bitch, Precious Pits, snapped my picture and now it is all over the internet. My former self would vow to get even with her. But, she is one of God's children and must be forgiven. I will persevere.

In the words of Lisa Lisa.....I'm "All Cried Out"

I will persevere.
--The Pearl